 What
Is Mediation?
Mediation
is a way for two people, who are unable to work out their own problems
for any number of reasons, to still do so on their own without having
to hand the decisions that need to be made over to a court or other arbitrator.
To do this they meet with a neutral person who helps
the parties respect and understand each other while they work through
a solution that they can both agree is fair or at least acceptable to
each other.
The role
of the mediator is to;
1. take the lead in organizing and
simplifying the problems to be dealt with;
2.
help each person identify his or her real needs behind
the problem and
make sure each understands the others point of view;
3.
listen to and respect the feeling behind the problem
and the impasse it has created;
4.
act as a go between for honest and effective communication between the
parties in a safe setting;
5.
provide the knowledge and skill needed to expand the resources
available to the participants to understand various
viewpoints of what might be fair and to explore settlement
options;
6.
provide a reality check for unrealistic expectations
or problems that have not been foreseen.
Q. What is the Advantage of Mediation?
1.
Allows each person to tell the other his or her own viewpoint
and feelings in a place where they will be heard and
respected. This will be accomplished even if they fail to reach
a final agreement on some matter;
2.
Allows the parties to work out their own agreement
tailored to their own unique personal and family needs and preferences.
3.
Creates an agreement that promises a high rate of compliance
by all parties. Details of haw the agreement will be carried out can
be quickly worded out in fine detail.
4.
A mediated agreement is nearly always much faster and cheaper
than preparing for and attending on judge or arbitration.
5.
Mediation usually restores the trust needed to maintain
a working relationship in future.
6.
Participation in mediation often leads to personal growth.
Those involved gain personal confidence and skills that serve them well
in future.
Q. What Kind of disputes should be taken to a
mediator?
A.
Any and all disputes are better resolved through communication in a
co operative setting rather than by confrontation. A trained mediator
will adjust the procedures and setting required depending on whether
the conflict involves personal, commercial or industrial relationships.
Here are some examples of situations where mediation
is frequently, and successfully used:
• separation and divorce
• neighbour disputes
• employer / employee relations
• commercial disputes (with a customer or between businesses)
• disputes with banks, government offices or other institutions.
Just ask yourself: Do I need this resolved quickly?
or Do I want to have at least a working relationship with the other
party in future?
Q. Why should I compromise my legal rights by
trying to settle?
A.
When we resort to legal rights and compromise, we avoid a real solution.
Legal rights decides terms of division and, so divides.
Mediation discovers terms of renewal and so creates
a new or better relationship. Legal rights solves a
conflict by telling each to go your own way, to take as much as you
can with you and to compromise your demands where necessary. Mediation
solves a problem by each trying to understand and accommodate the needs
of the other. It is amazing how often we discover a common interest
of benefit, to both, so that all that is needed is co-operation, not
compromise.
Q. Why does it take so long to get a divorce
settled?
A.
I see at least two basic problems:
1. When each person goes to a lawyer, they
then speak to each other through their lawyers, which
is a three step process back and forth. This not only slows communication
to a snail's pace but often creates misunderstandings. To prevent this,
it is important that the lawyers and clients all meet together in order
to directly exchange their needs and wishes and to what extent they
are willing to accommodate each other.
2. Problems from separation are usually
a mix of emotional pain and financial consequences. The one
often frustrates settlement of the other. Although lawyers are not qualified
to treat emotional pain, those who are committed to some form of mediation
are at least prepared to acknowledge that part of the problem, and where
necessary listen to it and take it into account.
|
